My Mother, The News Caster.

      I am happy to be a male child because it seems it is in the gene of every woman I know to be a talkative.However, I am so unlucky to be birth by one who is a super-talkative, for she does this to my discomfort. Infact, sometimes my dad has no choice than to shut her up. If this gift of talking, was used only within the four walls of our home, just maybe, I wouldn't complain one bit. But farther than our house, my mother has become a newscaster and the only headlines she prefers to broadcast, is the ones relating to how bad her children are doing. 

      Several times I get really angry at her and her way of handling my character flaws. Oh No! I agree being a teenager has open me up to some unwanted characteristics but then all my dad does is scold me really hard inside the house and not a word to any outsider. My mum on the other side prefers to tell every visitor that comes around, every neighbour she is close to, sometimes even my church leaders. 

I guess this to her, is a way of getting them to talk some sense into me and to make sure that they keep an eye on me! The poor woman doesnt know that the more she reads my headlines to them, the more they help her to magnify my matter. Some of them go as far as, giving advices that is not even working in their own homes. Some of these people have children who are worse than I, yet in their discussions as I eavesdrops, I have never heard them mention their own cases to my talkative mother. 

       Some Weeks ago, a friend of mine almost committed suicide, due to her reports of me to everyone, on all my wrong doings, in his words, "my mother has made me look bad to everyone that I am close to, if I go to see my neighbour to play with their children, they end up sending me out with no excuse as to what I actually did wrong. Even the female friend I grew up with that I had crushes on has refuse to talk to me as we usually do, I became really lonely and friendless and just in this pandemic when no one has refused me entrance to their house and no one came to visit me, I decided to just die."

  Dear Mother, 

You may not understand the pyschological effects of what you are doing to your child(ren) by telling their stories to everyone. Oh! do you know that the more you broadcast their faults, the more you paint yourself as a failed mother in the parenting profession. Everybody doesn't deserve to know the good or the bad of the children you birth. Basically they have no business with that. You don't know what they are also facing, but then you make your children an object of ridicule, just because you are not satisfied with what and how they perform or with some of the teenage exuberance they exhibits. Your child isn't the only one going through this stage, with time, maturity will take over and they will be that child you have always wanted them to be. Stop spreading the news, deal with it in the house. Help understand that child till he/she outgrows that behaviour. 

         I also want you to remember that some of us don't forget what our parents did while we were growing. Please be mindful of what you tell people about your children. They are your Children. You birth them yourself. So please be Careful and very soon with constant advices, support and prayers your child will make YOU PROUD someday Soon.

Yetunde Adedokun Writes.

Kids Advocate And Development Initiative.

(NGO) AFRICA, NIGERIA.

You Broke the BOND, MOM!

He was my best friend as a little child, he grew up telling me everything without fear. Even when it is wrong Jeffrey will still say it, I raised him to learn to be free with me, I raised him to know that the best person he can speak with is me. He became my gist mate, I tell him everything he needs to know, I answered every questions he asks  without making him feel bad for asking, It was a perfect Mother-Son relationship.

    Little did I notice that my boy now prefers to stay on his gadgets all day! He doesn't give a damn any more about me or whatever concerns me. Although I raised him alone as a single Mom, but that was never a problem for us and with us. Why is Jeff withdrawing from me? I noticed too late because I was engrossed in my daily activities too afterall, I need to put food on the table and foot our bills so I didnt see a problem in not having his time as much as I used to do when he was younger. He is grown now and has learnt to play and stay on his own. Better for us as this will allow me more time to look out for other things.

Gradually indeed my son was actually fine without me, and I am fine without him too, But here comes the Big question. Was I actually fine, and was he actually fine too? 

       Covid19 stay home was my eye opener, Hell No! I was really not fine. I wanted to talk to my son, I wanted to gist with him, I wanted to play games with him but No! he has become a complete stranger, he prefers to stay in his room, he won't even come out to the living room while I'm there. We became just hostel mates and there was no friendship anymore! I will whisper to myself alone in my room. "What did I do wrong, why isn't my boy talking to me, has he really become an adult that he can deal with issues himself? What went wrong?" These questions roll in my head before I sleep every night. 

     Then One day, I made up mind to speak up! So I wrote him a letter, dropped it on the dining table and left for my Friend's place. Inscribe on the piece of paper was "I MISS MY SON". When I came back he ran to the door with his arms widely open for a hug and with tears rolling down  his eyes, he managed to whisper " Mom, I miss you too." I was surprised to hear that so we sat down to talk. I asked "what exactly went wrong Jeff?" And he said " Mom, You broke the BOND."

 "What Bond? Jeff," I asked. 

First! Mom what did I do wrong that you stopped talking to me? You were not the same mother I knew when I was growing Up! My mother used to be very caring, compassionate and always here for me to talk to, but the woman I am talking to right now changed three (3) years ago. I remembered trying to talk to you even in the late hours when you return home and all you say is, Its been a busy day, you need to relax.what choice do I have as a little boy than to feel so sorry for you and allow you rest. Sometimes I want to tell you how bad my friends made jest of me in school, Sometimes I long to tell you how well I did in my Arithmetic but no Its always a glooming look that sends me back to my room without saying a word. At first I felt it was actually because you were tired. Little did I realise that you stopped wanting ro talk to me. You broke the COMMUNICATION BOND, which to me is the strongest connection that got me stucked to you every minute. 

   Secondly Mom, we use to eat together, those three years Mom, We never ate dinner together neither do you call me to join you anymore when you are eating, I replied without hesitation, hey son! You grew up and I thought you wouldn't like the idea any more! Jeffrey continued. You didnt even try to see if I was really grown enough to refuse eating with my mom or eating from the same plates, little things you did when I was younger and it helped foster our relationship. Mom do you need me to ask the last time you played with me, not even your favourite scrabble game, but now I learnt to play my scrabble on my IPad.just not so fun without you. 

      I realised you suddenly came back to start again because you were forced to stay home during this pandemic period. I knew how much you really wanted us to relate again but I'm sorry mom, you broke the bond I use to cherish a lot. 

       Dear Mothers! Please take note of this your child is never too grown for you to talk to. Those days at childhood when you allow them talk to you and you listen to them, some of Them grew up to be Used to that. Dont break the Bond of communication... It doesn't come back easily at adulthood. Stay Connected. 

Jeffrey connected back to his mom, because she realized it before it was too late, although it was getting late but its better late than never. 

Yetunde Adedokun

Kids Advocate